Quarantine Life: Working From Home
Having been a math learning resource tutor for Delgado Community College, I had the option to keep working even after the city of New Orleans shut down due to the Covid-19 virus outbreak. Today, May 4th, marked my last day working for the college for the Spring 2020 semester. I started working virtually through Zoom on the 24th of March, making it almost a month and a half that we have been in "lock down." The transition from working with students, face to face, to working with them via video conferencing, did not bother me much since most of them I was already helping at the school before it closed. It felt great being able to keep working as well as being able to continue assisting students who I had seen on a day to day basis in the math lab. The only difference now was that I was not there in person with them but in the "comfort" of my own home.
If I backtrack some, some of you may already know a little more about my past, as well as who I am as a person. With my improvement in my health over the years, my interactions with people have also greatly changed. Instead being alone, I now enjoy being able to go out and about, even if that just meant either to work or to play Pokemon GO with my friends. I also developed a routine over the past few years that kept me focused, and also kept me mentally sane so I could function, despite my constant inner struggles.
Putting two and two together to make four, having my routine disrupted majorly, and my inability to socialize with other people taken from me, I began to feel isolated like I used to during my childhood. Working helped for a while to keep my mind occupied, but, as I lay in bed at night, things would always have me wondering if my life was over. Was I ever going back to the lab that I felt was a safe place where I grew comfortable? Would I see my coworkers again anytime soon? Could I ever play Pokemon GO with my friends again in City Park without worrying that I will contract a deadly virus? Will I be able to keep working from home and not be forced back on campus to work if the virus outbreak is not under control? This whole situation has amped up my depression, anxiety, ptsd, and chronic worrying. If all that was not enough, the fear of being trapped at home with my family, who aren't taking the "social distancing" seriously, weighed heavily on me. I have felt, on multiple occasions, that I was sick with Covid and I have not even left the house besides to exercise then come right back, avoiding people and being cautious.
Distractions have been a major issue with trying to work successfully from home. Even though I am used to a lack of privacy, which I should not be used to, it is apparent that there is a lack of respect. Also, the constant reminder that my sister and dad have one another to talk to while they leave me out, has me feeling even more isolated the longer the lock down goes on. I am eternally grateful for the few true friends I have, because they have been my support system even before Covid-19. How people responded to this pandemic, however, has shown more true colors than a double rainbow. I now know the true intentions of some people and I sadly feel like my constant "tape" that everyone will use me, will never stop playing on repeat in my mind. The true challenge now, though, is for me to rewrite that tape by realizing slowly that I have self worth, I am more than just trash to be thrown away after being used, and that I am not the person I was ten years ago. I took the initiative to change and get better. I did that. No one was there for me, but me. You are the only one who has to live with yourself. You have to love you before you can love anyone else. In the end, you will be the only one there for yourself, no matter what other people say. Never let your heart forget that. It will save you a lot of time and pain.
